Hi my little man.
I was just going through all the poems I have written about you. I know it's been a long time since I have written you. I've been in a funk little man, it's like I just can't even handle missing you anymore. Even though I have been working on you March of Dimes fundraiser I still haven't been ale to sit and think about you. It's like my heart is just worn out little guy. No one ever talks about how exhausting it is just to grieve. Just know though that you are always in my heart. Two months until your birthday. 2 years baby...two fucking years without you. People keep telling me that it will get easier, and it's not. I'm becoming angry a lot more lately. Not at anyone, just internally. I just want to scream sometimes because I need you so bad. I don't want to be so mad, but I am love. I want you to be down here with daddy and I. You belong here. Mother's day is next week. Ugh fuck that day, we have to go to your great grandmother's to celebrate, but I just want to stay in bed, or maybe plant flowers. I don't need any more reminders that you aren't here, and that people don't think of me as a mother. It just agitates me. Anyways love, I don't mean to be so negative. This is why I haven't written, you need a happy mommy. I would be happy if you where here. I love you baby.