I had a dream last night that I was pregnant at twenty weeks, and I was in the hospital. I was bleeding and I knew I was going to lose that baby too. What if this comes true baby boy? Will I ever get to be a mommy to an earth child? I cried a lot last night thinking of how much I miss you. I just have such a hard time talking about you anymore. It's like I just want to keep to tucked safely inside with me. I smile al the time, but inside.... it. just. hurts. In less than a week it will be two years since we said hello, and we didn't get to say goodbye. I did get to tell you I loved you though, but that didn't save you. Reality is a cold gust of wind: it wipes away the fantasy of you coming back to life. There is part of me that says, "It's time to let go," but I can't....I just can't. If I do then you really are dead. That thought splits my heart and sucks the air our of my lungs. I feel sick even thinking about it. As much as I don't want it to be true, it is.
 The other night your dad and I explored this beach/ park we go to all the time. We climbed up this hill as the sun set and watched the water. It was beautiful. We then began to walk through the paths of green grass and tall trees. Then, like magic all of these fireflies came out. It was so serine, and majestic. It was like we were in another world. I stopped and stood still watching their bright little lights beam on and off. As they sparked through the night I thought about you. You would have been so enchanted. I would have taught you to let them be wild and free, let them live so they can bring light to everyone. I didn't tell your daddy, because I didn't want to make him sad. You should have been there my little prince. I would have shown you everything that is good in the world. You were the best thing on this planet. Will I ever get to see you again my little star? No, you aren't just a star; you are a nebulas. You were a star when you were here, but when you died you broke free and became the greatest beauty in the sky. You are greater than a star. You are my universe. I love you to infinity and back. It's raining, and I wish you where here to cuddle with.