Phoenix how are you my love. This is the month you would have been born if life was fair. October 30th was your due date. I have forgotten it my baby boy. I never will. I was really down the other day just wishing I was where wanted to be in life. Then I watched a documentary about women fighting cancer on long island. It made me think of some many things and how I should be fighting for my life for those who don't get that choice. I thought of your grandmother, and how much your daddy misses her. I thought about how hard she fought for so long, and how I'll never get to met her. I know she is with you, and she is well now. I thought about all my friends who are battling this fight, and those who have lost someone. I realized though, I have lost you that MY fight isn't over yet. I can't roll over and give up, and I have to try to make this the best life possible for you.
Out of the blue into the black
Phoenix, people tell me all the time that I am too sensitive for this world. That I feel to much for others, and that it will only continue to break my heart if I don't "toughen" up. I refuse to believe it though. I don't want to not care my little love. I want to be better, I want to be free of this pain. I want to grow into a greater human than I have been before. I've done things that I am not proud of, but I have changed for the better. You and your father gave me this truth...this gift. You made me see who I am supposed to be. Please guide me to the light, because I've fallen before. I want to be good, good for you. I want to change the world in your name; your beautiful precious sweet name. I want to be brave, and strong. I need this strength to get me through. You were brave my little love...you fought for your little life. I watched you. Now I need to fight for you. I love you so much. I don't want to let you down.
The King is gone but he's not forgotten.
You are always mine, and I am always yours my love.
Till we meet again in a place where there is no darkness.
Love,
Momma
Out of the blue into the black
Phoenix, people tell me all the time that I am too sensitive for this world. That I feel to much for others, and that it will only continue to break my heart if I don't "toughen" up. I refuse to believe it though. I don't want to not care my little love. I want to be better, I want to be free of this pain. I want to grow into a greater human than I have been before. I've done things that I am not proud of, but I have changed for the better. You and your father gave me this truth...this gift. You made me see who I am supposed to be. Please guide me to the light, because I've fallen before. I want to be good, good for you. I want to change the world in your name; your beautiful precious sweet name. I want to be brave, and strong. I need this strength to get me through. You were brave my little love...you fought for your little life. I watched you. Now I need to fight for you. I love you so much. I don't want to let you down.
The King is gone but he's not forgotten.
You are always mine, and I am always yours my love.
Till we meet again in a place where there is no darkness.
Love,
Momma
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