Hi my little dream,
 Well today is the first quiet day I've had in a while. My friend came to visit, and we had a good time. I have just been so worn out lately my love. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be normal again, and not be this anxious ball on the inside. You dad was a saint this week, and I don't deserve him. Phoenix, I don't know what is wrong with me lately...I have been so angry and lonely. I ind myself being argumentative and being ore aggressiveness that I normally am. I've been taking it out in the strangest ways, and I for a couple of days I new I was just being a mean person, but just didn't care. Not really to anyone in particular...just all around. I don't know what wrong with me. I haven't been thinking about you as much, because I don't want you to be part of that anger...july was so hard. I feel back into bad habits and everything, just to cope. I feel like I am back to draggin' myself out of bed again, just trying to hold on to something. How can I feel like I am just siding back all over again. My friend kept comparing me to my old formal self...my destructive bad habits, and pretty much insinuating I can't keep up like I used to. There where point where I wanted to scream..."I am  not the same person I was in Georgia! Life actually has meaning like it never did back then, that girl id fucking dead.Get over it." Of course I didn't but it was so hard. I guess that is why I get so nervous spending time with people back home for to long. They don't really understand how different I am now, and maybe won't love me like they used. She does though, and she is like a sister to me...it's just so hard baby boy. I'm going back home for my birthday in November with you daddy. I'm nervous. I just feel insane.
 You daddy said that he hears your song now everywhere. That made me happy, because I know he thinks of you too now when he hears it. It shows me that you are with him too right little love. I wish I could ream of you every night...hold you and kiss you, never let you go. I wish I could just sleep and call you to me, and you would just hold my fingers and coo, smiling in the heaven that you are in. I daydream about me being up there with you, and getting to see you for the first time. I know that won't happen till I die, it seems so unfair...to have to die to get to meet your son again. People just don't understand, I will never get to be with you on this earth. I will live the rest of my life with this huge hole inside that will never be filled.
 Max's birthday is right around the corner...I feel so sad for his mother, my friend. I hope you are planing something nice for him. I love you so much baby.