Hi my wild and free little prince-
I listened to a band that I thought I would never listen to again Phoenix: Cloud Cult. I used to love this bad...I would listen to the songs and cry, just cry because it seemed so painful. The lead singer and his wife lost their son at two years old. He died in his sleep, it was the first time that ever really reached me; little babies die. My heart hurt for these people so much, and I wanted to share their pain. I even equated the pain I felt in my life before you to these songs, I was blissfully unaware of the fact I would understand these songs better than I could ever imagine. Two days before you died I downloaded all the cloud cult albums to give a listen too. You died and I buried those tunes in the back of my head, knowing the shame of who I was when I listen them before. I knew this music was going to resonate with me like no other now. I related to the point I couldn't even listen to one note, and computing how long it would take to put me back together after I did try to listen.
Today I listened to them for the first time since you died. I am so grateful for these songs; completely in tuned with the reality of the grief that comes forth after losing a child. I needed it more than I knew. I have a place I can go when I need that break from this world, and I just need to be with you, no matter if it's just to cry or dream about how much I love you. This song is one of my favorites http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENM0mkwzAfc It's how I want to sing to you, a chorus of voices hailing you sweet name. When do start to write again, I am going to make it my very best for you my sweetness. I needed that cry today...I have gotten so used to controling my sadness I guess I need to get it out more than I realize.
Phoenix, I am sad, but joyous. It's Max's birthday in just a couple of hours. I hate Suzanne doesn't have him in her arms, but I am grateful to know about his life. I am honored to know another precious boy just like you. One that is perfect in everyday, and is buddies with you! I know you two are pals, and watching over us. Give him lots of hugs from his Mother and I tomorrow. I hope he sees all the beautiful things that are going on in his memory! I love you so much honey, it hurts so bad at moments. I just wish you where here...
Love,
Momma
I listened to a band that I thought I would never listen to again Phoenix: Cloud Cult. I used to love this bad...I would listen to the songs and cry, just cry because it seemed so painful. The lead singer and his wife lost their son at two years old. He died in his sleep, it was the first time that ever really reached me; little babies die. My heart hurt for these people so much, and I wanted to share their pain. I even equated the pain I felt in my life before you to these songs, I was blissfully unaware of the fact I would understand these songs better than I could ever imagine. Two days before you died I downloaded all the cloud cult albums to give a listen too. You died and I buried those tunes in the back of my head, knowing the shame of who I was when I listen them before. I knew this music was going to resonate with me like no other now. I related to the point I couldn't even listen to one note, and computing how long it would take to put me back together after I did try to listen.
Today I listened to them for the first time since you died. I am so grateful for these songs; completely in tuned with the reality of the grief that comes forth after losing a child. I needed it more than I knew. I have a place I can go when I need that break from this world, and I just need to be with you, no matter if it's just to cry or dream about how much I love you. This song is one of my favorites http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENM0mkwzAfc It's how I want to sing to you, a chorus of voices hailing you sweet name. When do start to write again, I am going to make it my very best for you my sweetness. I needed that cry today...I have gotten so used to controling my sadness I guess I need to get it out more than I realize.
Phoenix, I am sad, but joyous. It's Max's birthday in just a couple of hours. I hate Suzanne doesn't have him in her arms, but I am grateful to know about his life. I am honored to know another precious boy just like you. One that is perfect in everyday, and is buddies with you! I know you two are pals, and watching over us. Give him lots of hugs from his Mother and I tomorrow. I hope he sees all the beautiful things that are going on in his memory! I love you so much honey, it hurts so bad at moments. I just wish you where here...
Love,
Momma
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