Hi my little love! Well we didn't go to hemmlock cove saturday! To be honest, I was happy because I just don't know how I would feel being there. I have missed you so much lately. For some reason the fall season coming on is kinda getting to me. I guess it's because I still associate it with your due date. I know your birthday is july, but I guess I am just reliing my grief all over. I am trying my best to try and do something this year for halloween, and try to make the holidays fun. It just hurts though, because this would be your second string of holidays...but you are here. It's jusnt another reminder that you aren't here. I have to be stronger.
 aturday night I made your father watch the rest of the Kill Bill movies. I loved both of them, and watching them now after you died made such an impact. In the story the mothers thinks she lost her baby daughter after she was beaten by the baby's father and three assasins. Then he shot her in the head, she winds up recovering from the coma and seeking revenge for her child she thought she lost. She goes on a revenge spree to avenge her. I imagine myself being that person...it makes me eel beter sometimes...just taking on the world and fighting for your memory. At the end of the movie she get's to Bill's house, to find her daughter there! That moment...oh god, when she sees here duagher made me fight back the tears. Her dreams came true...her little girl was alive, and she fought the battles to find her again. I wish that could happen in real life...if I fought hard enough I would find you. I know I will never be that lucky, because I was there when you where dying. You aren't ever coming back little man.
 I reunited with an old frend yesterday Phoenix! I hadn't seen her in 12 years, and it was amazing to see her!!! We talked for hour baby boy, it was like time never happened. We talked about you for a long time honey, she listened and cried with my and felt your little life. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have her back in my life. She told me she thought, I was amazing and made a difference in others people's life by shaing your story, and she told me not to give up. Oh I needed to hear that, and she taught me a new phrase that I think I needed to hear. I know you had something to do with bringing us back together. Yesterday was the happiest I hae been in so long!! Your daddy so sweet! He cooked for us, and keep makng sure the Rita had everything she needed. We all played music aterwards, and it was so fun singing with her again. It just felt like I had a little bit of home with me again. Both of my world came together so perfectly. Rita and I have very similar backgrounds and it just made my day being with her Phoenix.  
 How are you love, I wish  could dream of you again...I feel like I haven't in so long. I miss you with all of my soul little prince! I hope you are sae, and happy my love.