Hey baby boy
 I am feeling mentally a little better today. I guess I didn't realize how much I was missing you tll yesterday. It's amazing how that preasure can build...how you don't even realize how much the pain is actually still there till days like that. I am trying baby boy...I'm trying so hard to be better my love. You daddy thought I was mad at him lat night wen he came home from rehersal. I don't even realize how cold I am being sometimes..even in my sleep. On top of that I haven't been feeling very well..my stomach has been in knots. I guess grief takes it's toll in all departments. Oh honey, I need to go to your gravesight and get your christmas bear, but I need to buy you a new everyday bear since yours was missing the last time I came. It's getting really cold so I wont be able to come out as much. If there is something you want me to bring you, can you give me a sign like you did with the wooden toys we made. I'll probably have to bring those home to for the winter and put something on them so they won't fade. I must be crazy...talking to you like you are still here, but it brings me comfort. It sometimes is the only comfort. I've been told that where ever you are you can get my letters. I'm sorry they are always sad, and I don't write more...but I always talk to you in my mind. Does that make me crazy?
 I love you sweetheart.