Created

Hi my wonderfu little boy,
 Last night while I was trying to fall asleep I realized this was the time last year you were concieved. This was the week you were made, and you would change our lives forever. I can't believe this is hitting me the way it is. I have been really irratable latey and I didn't know why. I thought it was because of all the dieting, but last night it hit me why I am. It's amazing how subconciously these things come through even when you aren't thinking about it. How my need for you breaks through any part of my waking state...I can't forget about you. My whole being needs you here. Nobody talks about you anymore. It's like you are forgotten. ike you never existed. I hate this so much. I cried myself to sleep again last night. I try to be quiet so I won't wake your dad. I hate making him sad when I cry, I know it gets to him. Keeoing this pain close is all I have left of you. It's be seven months next week. I hate this...
 I wish I knew where you were. If I could at least know you are happy and safe then at least I could maybe have some peace. I hate not knowing where you are. I just hope that you are in a heaven like place with al of your family. I hope you still love me, and your daddy. I hope if you can that you will come back to me. I think about you all the time still. The days get a little better, but time has not healed this wound. I was thinkng about you and your birth again...I wonder if I will ever not get panicked when I think of it. I get scared and just want to cry. Those images I have of you are the most pain and precious. It's the only memory I have of you...alive. I miss you so much Phoenix. You should be here with me sleeping in my arms, and not in a grave.
Why can't  be happy again? Why can't I think of you and smile?
I miss you sweetheart. I missed your great grandma too...if you see her will you give her a kiss for me?
 I love you with every bit of my heart.
                            Always your mommy.