Happy Valentine's Day my Angel

I miss you so much little man. This is the day of love and you are who I love most (next to your father). I wish you where here so I could dress you up and make a valentines with you for daddy. This day is so hard. I was at the mall earlier today and there where little boys with their mom's everywhere. It made me think of you so much. Right behind me in line there was a woman with a baby around your age in a stroller. She has no idea how lucky she is. I wish you where here for me to physically love. I hope you are watching over your daddy and I.

 He is really wonderful Phoenix. He took me out for a romantic day on Saturday. We drank wine all day and went to some wonderful places. He is so thoughful. Then today he surprised me with the most beautiful red roses I have ever seen and the best card. It was so sweet and funny just like him. If you where here we would be focusing on you.

 I want to say I'm sorry I didn't stay long at your grave on Sunday. Usually I can handle it when I am there I cry but I can actually deal with it. This time it was just too much. I was just so angry that I was sitting at your grave putting another bear in the ground instead of holding you in my arms. Sometimes I do truly believe my heart will break into a million pieces. It's kills me so much not having you here with me my love. I was thinking about my wedding day today on the bus and how it will still be bittersweet because you won't be there. When I was pregnant with you I just imagined you being at the wedding, like steven and I wanted. Now I can't imagine it without you. I hate this but I love you.

On a good note my sweetheart, I am raising money for the march of dimes in your honor. I have already raised 630 dollars in one week. Plus my friends are resposting it on facebook. I can't tell you what joy it is to see people writing your name. They all give you life everytime they do it and it is the first thing that has given me warmth in a long time. I just love seeing people talk about you and you touching lives. You were only on this earth for 45 minutes and you are changing lives. I love you so much for that my little prince. Oh also my good friend from highschool and her stepmother raised 15,000 dollars in your name and are going to donate it to the florida branch. Can you beleive that baby boy? You are loved so much down here. Plus she is having a little boy and she is going to name his middle name after you. You will live on through him as well my sweet baby. Oh god I miss you so much. I would take all of this back if it meant having you here. I love you so much my little valentine...I hope I see you in my dreams soon.

 You are my everything.

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!