Hello my sweetheart,

 I just watched Grey's Anatomy, your dad is at band rehersal, and I am here alone. In the episode today there was a story about a premature little boy at 23 weeks. Just seeing that image brought you flooding back to me. How small you were, how you couldn't even open your eyes how your hands couldn't open how you were so so tiny. I'd never seen a human that little in my life. One of the characters said something that brought the tears like I knew they would come: Some Survive.

 You didn't have a chance the moment you where born. You didn't survive...but others did. I am working so hard to raise money for the March of Dimes in your honor. Baby you are so loved down here. My friend have started a team in atlanta in you name! You will be represented there too! They are even making t-shirts! Can you believe that? Also my old job is going to have a night where they dedicate 15% of their sales to the walk in your name. Also a girl I worked with is getting donations from her new co-workers. You have touched so many lives honey. You have made people more loving and compassionate. You have given love to so many little boy. More than I ever could in my 29 years. I don't know why but I still just feel like if I can just save other babies you will make it back to me. I do believe that eastern philosophy is right...your soul can come back. I wish I knew that you could...I miss so so very much.

 I broke down in front of your dad today from all the stress of Maw Maw Janice's husband. I always thought of him as a grandfather...but I guess he never was. He never loved me like he said he did. I feel so let down Phoenix...I'm trying to keep my head up high but somedays it's just so much.

 I will stay as strong as I can for you sweetheart. Just know that you are thought of and love sooooo much down here on earth. I wish you could come back down...

 I love you baby...come see me in my dreams.