I'm feeling better baby. I've been thinking about you so much today and about who I am. I have to get better baby boy. Though you aren't physically here I know you are all around me. Everytime I see your name I remember that you can't be in vein. I have to live for you, and to grow as much as I can so when I leave this earth I can get as close to you as I can. You are perfection little one, and I am so far from that. I need to make things right in my life. I have to let myself be happy again so I can bring all of those moments to you when I came back. I need to get back to all of my loves. I need to show your dad that he is the greatest love on this planet, and I never understood the true meaning of those words till I met him. He has made me such a better person, just like you, my boys. I have been luckier then most people in my life and I have known the greatest of love in the greatest of pain. Both culminating to change me forever. I can now love to a depth I never could have never known about if it wasn't for you two. I have know that good can come from the complete depths of human sorrow. I now really know what compassion means. I paid a huge price to understand these lessons, but you have made me a better human being than I was before. I miss you so much, but I don't miss who I was, and I have to try and remember that and just be better than I was before. I owe you that my little boy. I will try to love life like I did before, but I will do it in a more careful way. This doesn't mean I won't ave bad days...I know it's not over...but today I can say that I am officially going to really try. You father still needs my feet close to the ground. I love him so much, and I know he does me. It is an amazing feeling. I'm starting to try to tell myself that for once, I actually deserve it. I love you so much honey, you are the most amazing thing I have ever created. I miss you.