Hey baby boy,
 So today has been really hard. I really miss you so much. I am s full of tears, and I just wish you were here. I have been online trying to find out how I can obtain your birth certificate, but I am having a hard time getting any info. I need to have that piece of paper...I want to show people that you lived. I have you death certificate, so why is it so hard to have proof that you lived? It's like no one cares baby boy...I know that isn't fully true, but it just feels that way. I don;t want you to be forgotten. We went over to help your aunt  move some things sunday...at one point she wanted your dad to move their old crib and carriage out of the attic (you would have used them). Steven asked her why and she said "One day you or I will have kids and I would like to use it." It killed me to hear that. I just sat there and tried with every bit of my soul to not cry. I know she didn't mean it, it's just one more f'd up reminder that you never got a chance. That people don't acknowledge your life. I try so hard to be positive, but some days I just want to scream...but instead I just cry. I just want you so much. That will never change!! I will be 100 and I will still always want you. I love the days when I can feel you around me...I need that today honey. I need you to help me be strong. Someone told me it's ok that I cry so much...it just means I really love you. Two of my friends had babies at the same tie you would have been born and lived. They are so wonderful...it is just so hard seeing all of their milestones. They should be yours. My cousin just announced she is pregnant. I am so happy for her, but so sad for myself...she is going to have the first living baby in the family. I guess news like this will always be bittersweet. I'm so sorry this letter is so sad, I'm just in pain right now. I promise to have happier letters in the future. I just needed to talk with you baby boy. I love you. I love you. I love you.