Hey my baby,
 I haven't been able to be on here in  a while and I am so sorry. I was at my mom and dad's house for the week and even chrstmas. I issed you so much baby. I tried so hard to keep a happy face on while I was down there, but on cristmas is was just to hard. I lost it when my mom gave me my present for you. It's a beautiful ornament with your name in it and a memory box for you. It was so sweet of her, but it just killed me, I should be opening clotes and toys for you you...not this. I tought after christmas I would feel better, bit I feel worse. I realized christmas day you aren't coming back...you are really gone. I feel like the pain has come back ten folds. I don't know how I can do this anymore...
 I'm just getting so angry and bitter baby. I don't want to be this way...my heart just hurts so bad. I can't take it sometimes. I'm just mad at everything, and insecure...I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know how anyone even loves me, because I don't even want to look atmyself in the mirror anymore. I just want tobreak something...just completly destroy it. I want to get this rage out of me but I have no where to go. I feel like this pain is going to burn me up from the inside out, because I just can't handle the fact that you aren't here. People say it will get easier, and it does for a little while...then there comes te grief growing bigger and bigger in my heart till it feels like it is going to explode. I don't know how much longer I can keep this front up. I just want to cry baby.
 I just keep thinking about all the things you'll never get to do. I never got to see you smile honey,te only image I have of you is suffering...your poor little face struggling to catch your breath. I can't take it...I CAN'T! How am I supposed to live with this...how does anyone.
 I'm trying so hard baby but the pain is weighing on me...it's just so heavy. I just want to be happy again, and that will never happen because you won't ever be with me again. I know you're gone...