I'm missing you so much right now. I was reading a story on the MISS sight and it brought me back to the day we buried you. I can't get that image out of my head...it breaks my heart everytime I think of you. I still don't know how I have made it this far. Tat day I wanted to die: I thought I would never ever be able to breathe again. With the luck of having the love of your father and our family I have made it day by day. I just don't know what tis next yer has in store for me. I'm scared Phoenix, one day I am ok and te next I feel like the world is shattering all around me. I feel like I am never going to be sain again. Nothing will be smoothe sailing...it's always going to be waves...pushing and throwing me up and down. Balance is lost.
 I'm sorry I am always so sad wen I write you. I just feel like I have know were to put this. I don't want to bring down all the people around me. I'm trying to keep te brave strong front up but it just seems so hard some days.
 Jan 3rd is rght around the corner...six months. You've been gone a half a year...it hasn't gotten better. It's just that time is taking me futher and further away from you. I need you back honey...I need you to be with me and your father. I wish you would come back. I would wake up one day and you would be here in my arms. It's all I want and will ever want. Your daddy bought be a wonderful camera for christmas. I would have taken so many beautiful pictures of you. You would have had a million pictures of you.
 I'm not making any sense anymore so I am going to go. Just know baby boy I love you above the moon and stars. You are my life, and you are my dream. I love you ALWAYS!!!
                                           Momma