In My Veins

Hello my Prince,
 Of course I am in tears again today missing you. I was writing one of my friends and telling her about music and I decided to to go to my playlist website and listen to some songs. I haven't really made any playlist since yo died. You daddy made one after your granmother left after your funeral. That's all that has been added since then.
 I miss you so much honey, a song called "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle came one and it just made me think of when you were truly in my veins. When we shared the same blood and body. You were part of me literlly, and you didn't make it. Some days it feels like it's getting harder instead of easier. How long will this pain last baby boy? It's so strange how as a parent we are supposed to take care of our children, hold them up, and support them. You are supposed to come to me when you are troubled and I make it better. That's how it is supposed to work. For me though, it's now the oppositte. I look to you for comfort, and to help light my way. I need your light honey, thats why I named you Phoenix so you would burn brighter then all the rest. I need your light everyday baby because sometimes I fear that I am going to get swallowed up by this darkness. Everytime I get flashbacks to the night you were born and died I feel like all the breathe is leaving my while a pin is being shove directly in my hart. I never knew a human could feel that way. I wish you were here honey, I wish it so bad. Why can't I rewind time...just this once and get you back. I need you, you are in my veins.
 I haven't sang...like really sang since you died. I feel like if I do I will burst apart. Your daddy and I used to sing and play together all the time. We were planning on singing to you too, all the time. I was already thinking of how I wanted to cover a song for you. He brought it up about how much he misses it, but I just can't bring it in me to just let go for him. I want to feel free enough to again, and just can't. My friend said that when I do sing one day that you will sing with me. I hop so baby boy because we would hav sang and danced all the time if you were here with me. I need you to sing with me. I've wrot a poem about that yesterday. One day one of these writing will become a song for you. Maybe that's why I can't sing just yet, I have to finish your song first. You deserve a million songs love. You and your daddy are the only things I want to write about. I feel like my voice was just stoled from me the day you died. Maybe  will get it back one day. Please guide me baby boy to where I need to be. I need your light. I need you.
                      I hope you are shining bright today my love!
                                                   I love you!
                                                        Momma