Hey baby boy-
I miss you, I just wanted you to know that. I've made a new friend today...she lost her daughter at the same age as you. I hope you havemet her up above and are become good friend with her like you have with my other friends babies. Thank you for bringing me all of my new friends. They have helped me so much baby boy. They ease the sting of missing you. I still wish I had you though. You should be with me now, and I should be just writing to you.
This weekend was a weird one. Daddy and I celebrated our one year living together. We didn't do much but it was nice. I made Chili from scratch. It was actually really good. I have to say Phoenix I didn't realize that I was a pretty good cook. Your daddy and I love being in the kitchen with you. Beofore I was pregnant with you we used to turn the music up have a couple of cocktails and cook together all the time. Since you died we still do, but it's not the same. We even made pork wontons from scratch yesterday...they were so good. I just kept thinking how I would never get to cook for you. You would have learned how tomake so many good things. When you were old enough to date you would have been the ladies man.
Yesterday started off rocky as you know. Then when your dad came home we were both grouchy and got into it. We talked for a bit, but I just wish he would open up me sometimes. He just holds everything in. We really recovered well though and by the end of the night we were in a good place. I just feel like I am so irratable somtimes...I hate it. I hate not having you here.
I know things have gotten a litte easier since you died but I am still in so much pain. I just dont know how I am going to make it through the rest of my life without you. It just seems too painful, but I can only hope with time is will get better.
Anyways love, I just wanted to tell you I love you. I am here anytime you need me.
Love you pumpkin-
Natasha
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